Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
