I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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