Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
