he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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