I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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