She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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