I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We need to get me chipped asap
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
