C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
