Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize