If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
