omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
