All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
