Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my poor anus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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