Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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