Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
