Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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