we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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