She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
