On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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