So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize