Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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