She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
