I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
