Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
