so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
