Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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