alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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