I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
