Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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