Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize