We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
