Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
