you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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