You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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