Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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