she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
