Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
