It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
