my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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