fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
