I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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