I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
