As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
