We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My bed smells like the plague
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
