Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it's like heaven, but drunker
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize