Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
