Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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