Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ketchup is God's man juice
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
