We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I supernannyed him into submission
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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