I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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