Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
