remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
