I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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