she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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