people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
