Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yo dont text me then not text me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
