Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize