Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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