she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
