I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
