My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
