no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
