You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize