you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
