I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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