Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
