walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize