I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
