Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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