Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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