haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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