That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
