Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
