I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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