she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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