did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
