We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
