I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize